Masturbation

Insignificant aide (Ia) bites into a cold apple-nutmeg muffin. There's less sugar than he would have liked, but it surprises him with its calming sweet aroma as he closes his eyes to enjoy this little escape from the daily grind. In his mind he sees visions of his youth; of his grandmother, and how she caused grief to his grandfather by eloping in her eighties. His poor grandfather spent much time, effort, and emotions trying to woo his wife back, but she had crossed the chasm for good.

M walks in with the lunatic smile so typical for him at this time of the afternoon.

Whack!. A swift knock on the back of Ia's bald head sends his hat sliding straight across to the corner of the room on the smooth granite floor and his half-eaten muffin down his throat. Ia falls to the floor, startled by the bolt from the blue and choking from the apple cinnamon devil that is starving him of oxygen. The little imp stays lodged firmly in his throat as Ia gasps for air.

M: You know, I have this wonderful idea for a tech startup. You wanna hear?

Ia: khhghasp! kkhhghkkrrgsp!! hhhhhhkkhhrkhk!

Ia's vision starts to get blurry.

M: OK!. Picture this: There are a lot of people out there, who want to manage their time efficiently, right?

Ia: kkksghghssss..!!

M: No, I think the figure is orders of magnitude higher. Its, like, basically, like, sixteen and a half billion people that want to manage their time efficiently. Just imagine if we could provide them all with an auto-generated timetable for the day, the week, the month, or even their whole life.!! huh? What do you think? Doesn't that blow your mind??

Ia: kkhsssss...!!

M: Yeah, I know!! When this idea first hit me in the shower, I almost choked too. Its genius, my man! We're going to be rich. And the best part is yet to come. You know how we will generate the timetables? Hold on to your hat now, this is truly mindblowing. We will ask people to enter their schedules and timetable when they register. OK? We then ask people to rate their close friends who they think have very good time management skills, see? Once we have about sixteen hundred million people sign up, we will have enough data to provide customized timetables based on your preferences and priorities in life, see?? F**k!! I cant believe how f***ing smart I am, man! Im trippin' man!! wow! This is gonna be HUGE!! I can see the billions. What do you think? Hey, I'm talking from my heart here, and you haven't said one thing!! Have you been smoking again, you dolt?

Ia is now too weak to make sounds. As he teeters on the brink of a coma and his brain cells begin to die due to a lack of oxygen, M loses his temper.

M: Answer me, swine!!

Whack! M kicks Ia on his butt. The apple muffin, now all gooey, pops out, flies all the way across the room and spatters on his pristine red and yellow hat. Splatt!

Ia: An excellent idea, sire, if I may say so myself.